She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
