wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
