We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
