Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
