I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
