I think my fart just growled at me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
