The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
