so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
