Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
