They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
