How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
