I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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