perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
