my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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