I skipped work to stalk him.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
