Only a mothe r could love this liver
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize