Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
