Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
