I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
