My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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