I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
