It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
