why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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