He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
