they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
