I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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