hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
