I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
there is glitter all over my balls
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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