so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
