I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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