He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
