I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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