ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
