No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
