how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
