So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
