Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
