bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize