Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
