Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
soo... how was my night?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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