when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He better not be in your backpack
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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