people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
