first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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