How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
