I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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