Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
