I just made out with a guy for $7.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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