Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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