Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
