I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
