Your dad touched me again.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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