if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
