Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
