Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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