everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i drank out of a bidet.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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