break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
