capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
