areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize