We're like a lot better than the average bears
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
