I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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