Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
