Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
