I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
