Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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