I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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