he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
