We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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