Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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