Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
